My name is Christian, and I have been struggling with severe depression and suicidal thoughts for around four years now. Almost everyday I reach a very dark place that sometimes my mind cannot escape. There is always some ominous presence looming in the back of my mind. Many things have contributed to this inner loathing. I have been in and out of abusive relationships, tearing me down emotionally, demeaning my best friends, attepmting to isolate me from those I cared about. I have been hurt by people close to me, tossed aside by a very close friend. I have endured being ridiculed by professors and teachers telling me I won’t amount to anything or the work I put so much effort into was nothing more than trash. The anger that I was convinced I conquered, had only been turned inward; I was a disappointment, an idiot, selfish, mean, cold hearted. I have never felt good enough and I am so afraid of being hurt by the people I care about, I distance myself from them. Everyday I lack motivation and drive to do the things I used to love. I fear reaching out and asking for help because I make sure I am strong for the people I love. I care about so many people and I just want to make sure they are at their best, even if I am not. I have found comfort in my creative writing, but some days my mind is jammed, unable to come up with any new ideas. I have been enjoying Pokemon Go and the time outside I have, but it isn’t enough. I am trying my best to manage the weight I carry on my shoulders, but it has become so much. I am not sure I would be able to get through this without the help of my amazing life partner, Fallyn. She is my rock and my soulmate. I can’t wait for the amazing life we are going to have, though I struggle to make it to tomorrow. I know I have support around me and I feel the love, but my inner fear and self hatred seem to get the better of me. I’m so afraid of losing this fight, so shaken to my core that their is even a tiny piece of me that doesn’t want to be here. I write this so that people may understand me a little bit more.
The Devil’s Demands
Though magic is an inherently human trait, not all families are blessed with the gift to use the flowing mana. Most of these poor families just gave up; they stuck to the mundane tasks and didn’t attend the Grand Mystics College of Anduine. Though there were a few parents, who had a legacy of magic in their blood, that bore plain children. It would be a disappointment and a family disgrace for the child to even exist, but with the case of the Pennyworth family, the child’s parents loved him too much to just toss him aside. Now, when a very skilled magical family approaches me with an offer, my ears tend to perk up and a grin will paint across my face. This was one of those times, and even though I had made a few deals around the city, this one seemed like an especially important one. The two cloaked nobles stepped into my domain, clearly knowing of the work I do and the price it will cost. The father stepped forward, forearm extended, “I swear to whatever profane forces you command that I will commit to any deal you strike up for us”. I just laughed exuberantly, losing my breath in the process, their faces lay cold and blank, “ I DON’T JUST MAKE DEALS WITH ANYONE WHO POPS BY. WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO OFFER, MY GOOD MAN?”, I retorted. Gold and jewels spilled onto my desk, they obviously had the price laid out in their mind. I just shook my head, grabbing the father’s arm, “I HAVE A BETTER IDEA, GIVE ME THE SOULS OF YOUR FAMILY TREE, ALL YOUR OFFSPRING, AND THEIRS AS WELL.” With that, a contract burnt into existence before the couple’s’ eyes. This son of theirs must have been extraordinarily important, since without a second thought they signed the deal. The last step was burning my sigil into them, magically binding them to their agreement, the most fun part. They left as quickly as they came, and I sat on top of my desk, very pleased with myself. I will be meeting with you soon enough, Miles Pennyworth.
II. A Rose’s Promise
Captain Percival looked at his daughter, feeling her disappointment. “Your mother has gone on a trip to a neighboring city to help them build up arms for the impending battle.”, the captain stated. The girl glanced down and thanked her father once more, and promised to thank her mother when she came back. Percy didn’t understand why his wife had to travel when she had the perfect supplies in her shop, she could make the swords and caravans could send them to the city. Earlier in the morning when they discussed it she had told him that it was the quickest way to bolster the army without risk of the weapons being stolen along their way. It made sense, but he hated to see her leave, like clouds covering a brilliant and glimmering sun. He was especially saddened that she could not be there to see Rose receive the gift they had made for her. To help him stop his worrying, he stepped out of his packed office and into the courtyard. Clanging and thunks brought his eyes to the training dummies, where his daughter was trying out her new sword. “How about you practice with something more living”, he chuckled. With another swift wack, Rose brought her sword down to the ground. As she turned to face Percy, wiping away the tears that were streaming down her face. He rushed over to this fragile rose, “Why did she have to leave? She has perfectly good equipment here”, he smiled understanding how she felt. He hugged her tight in his arms, he could feel her sadness pass onto him. He held her out, “Well let’s make her wish she was here”, he stepped back and drew his sword, “Bring it on, missy”. Her face lit up, a beautiful sun, and she readied her blade, “You’re gonna lose, old man”. He chuckled and lunged forward with the first strike. She blocked and countered, the two danced around the courtyard. The clash of steel rang out through the knight barracks.
Time passed, days turned into weeks and weeks into months. The letters from Melody, once frequent, came in strange intervals, few and far between. What was once a battle has become a small war, the feuds of fat, rich men. Percy and Rose waited day after day, attempting to get on with their routine without fear for their beloved Melody. Rose began training as a knight, hoping that she would be able to fulfill the promise of thanking her mother for not just this wondrous gift, but for her being the roots that kept her strong. She quickly learned, with the help of her father, and she even learned how to forge her own set of armor. It wasn’t perfect, but it was her’s and that is what mattered. She had even used her mother’s stamp, though Melody hadn’t made it, it helped Rose think of her whenever she donned it. On a particularly rainy day, a letter had come for the two of them:
Dear Knight Captain Percival Kandor,
This is the kingdom of house Talon, the city that has been resisting cleansing has fallen.
We have purged the land of the corrupt leadership of their king.
I regret to inform you that the people of the city could not be saved, they fought back against our efforts to save them.
Quick decisions were made, and the matter has been dealt with.
Regards, Captain Ellis of Talon.
A cold rush overcame Percy, his vision clouded, his body shook. The letter crumbled in his hands. He wept and tired to recall her smiling face, bring the sun back, he plead, bring back my Melody.
I. A Rose and Her Thorns
Rolling hills, sprawling forests, and swooping rivers traced out the lands from the outside walls. Rose sat in wonder, feet dangling off the wall, taking in all of this nature and the smells of the courtyard behind her. She was born and raised in the human city of Anduine, her father was the leader of the city knights, her mother a renowned blacksmith. The knights would do their training in the courtyard, metal clanging, men and women grunting with force and the distinct smell of sweaty knights, she recalled. As she looked out she wondered what kinds of adventures she could have, fighting beasts or saving the defenseless. She dreamed of one day becoming an adventurer, leading a party of ragtag guild members on all sorts of quests. Smiling at this grand fantasy, she didn’t hear her friend, Colby, sneak up on her. He grabbed her, pretending to push her off the wall, “Sebastian’s grace! You frightened me!”, she shouted. “It’s all in good fun, besides, your father wishes to see you”. She hopped off the wall and headed down to see her father, with her friend. Colby recounted his day as her mind raced, what could father want, am I receiving a gift or am I in trouble. “Are you even listening?”, Colby paused. “Huh? Well, I’m just curious about what father wants. Did he tell you why he wanted to see me?”. “He just asked me to get you, no clue why though. Are you in trouble or something?”, he laughed. Rose shrugged and gestured Colby to hurry up, “Let us find out.”
The teenagers reached Rose’s father’s office, she extended her hand to knock, but the door was pulled open before she even could. “Rose, come on in. Thank you for bringing her, Colby.”, the knight captain’s deep voice rang in the cramped room. Colby closed the door, leaving Rose with her father. She made her way over to his desk, where he was sitting, books and papers piled up in massive stacks around the room; father was never very tidy, she thought. His voice shook the silence, “I know you are getting older, and your mother and I know its time for you to get some freedom, but the world is a dangerous place. So we have a gift for you.” He pulled a large box out from behind is desk and placed it before Rose. She studied the outside of it, running her fingers along the wood. He gestured to have her open it, watching her awe as she saw what the box contained. Within was a sword unlike any other: the blade was sleek and sharp, with vines carved into it, the cross-guard were intricate stems woven together and done in gold, the hilt was wrapped in a golden cord and to top it off was the pommel, a single red rose, hand crafted out of ruby. She was blown away by it, utterly speechless she leaped over the desk and wrapped her arms around her father. “I couldn’t be more happy! Thank you, father. Where is mother so I can thank her as well?”
Lost Pups
I patiently waited at the edge of the cave for mother. She had taken longer than she usually had for a hunt, worry started to set in. Brother, naive in nature, nipped at my ear while I kept my watch, rain pouring over the entrance. My bones rattled in the cold winds, “Where could she be”, I thought. I closed my tired eyes to just listen; brother pacing and leaping, the drops of rain pattering in puddles outside, and wind pulling the creaking branches above. It was just us, alone in the darkness of the world, abandoned. Crows cackled in the trees, but how could they when mother was gone, possibly never to return. My shoulders felt heavy as a stream of water rushed over the cave mouth. I heard a faint whimper from brother, which shook me awake. A figure stood in the rain, just far enough away to only be a silhouette. I positioned myself near brother, ready to defend him at all costs. This figure moved towards us, an outstretched hand passed through the watery gate into our domain.
“ Your mother has gone, but I will not leave you abandoned”
The Boy and The War
Quivering he sat by the stream, a crimson reflection gazed back, interrupted by ripples from his tears. Were they all really gone; his family, the soldiers, the monsters. He clutched the trinket tightly in his palm as he sobbed and shook. “War is no place for a child”, these words rang in his memory. He was not meant to be there, but by his father’s side is where he wished he could be. He wished he had been there sooner, even if it was dangerous he shouldn’t have cared. Fear swept his body remembering that he was in the middle of it all, all of the carnage and broken spirits. There was nothing left breathing of the human platoon, only crushed armor and ruined corpses. The boy stood, shaking his head, gathering his wits and figuring out his next action. He picked up his father’s sword and began to run farther into the woods, away from the hordes of horror.
I may not be the man my father was, but I will not disrespect his life and what he left for me. I fight for peace and justice, for the weak and those who have no voice. I may have lost my hearing, becoming an outcast to others, but what I stand for is hope. Through adversity I have become a hero to the downtrodden and helpless, I cannot let them suffer any longer. Today I join the Unified Military Organization so that I may be a true hero of order and strive to restore good in the world. “War is no place for a child”, well, I am no longer a child, I am a hero.
It All Began
In the beginning there was nothing but celestial dust, swirling through vast emptiness. As it began to settle, a form was born from the cosmic energy. It gazed out into the immense space and witnessed wonders, exceeding Its wildest imaginations. It collected bits of nearby fragments, pushing each twinkling piece closer together. Cupping its hands, observing the stunning matter collide and create something new; twin suns. The suns spun and shimmered in its hands, a gift of new life, and the beginning of the Allfather.
Tales of Doomhanda 